The Scorpion on Life

GL:              I'm asking Scorpion. He wants to know:

Scorpion: (1) How old are you? (2) What are your hopes/goals/dreams or like... ummm.. something... what's her name? What's her name? If the name comes from Latin, you can find out some animal that it comes from. Any animals that she like? Maybe, like, a rabbit? Or a starfish?

CFab:        (1) 26

Scorpion: or some sort of Japanese symbol.

CFab:        (2) to make it through the day without having an awkward run in in the ladies room. My name means "the lame one" in latin

Scorpion: OK. That's her goal... hrmm... ladies room..

CFab:        im not even kidding

Scorpion: Oh! An Angel! hrm... what's a symbol of lame? What kind of animal represents lameness? A lama! Oh, even better, 'ladies room', she should get a commode or something. That would be cool, like a lama and one of those American Standard toilet bowls. It would be a conversation starter, too.

CFab:        wait wait wait

Scorpion: Where does she want her tattoo? In her lower back? Neck? Side?

CFab:        a lama, with a toilet bowl? i am in tears. laughing tears that is

Scorpion: Where she's from? Italy? Italian Flag? or... A Vespa? Or like... A Ham or pork or something... or a pizza! What could be more cool than a pizza... pepperoni pizza... [mumbles and walks back to desk]

GL:              He literally just started mumbling about pizza and went back to his corner of the room. Now he's sending links: http://www.usc.edu/schools/annenberg/asc/projects/comm544/library/images/742bg.jpg.

CFab:        wait, im sorry, did he jsut send a dali paintaing as a suggestion for a tat?

GL:              yes. he said it's an abstract tat. I told him it was a picture of some fingers and an egg and that Dali was spanish.

GL:              Scorpion suggests this one as well: http://www.acps.k12.va.us/artalbum/albums/userpics/10001/normal_brittany.jpg. note: it was drawn by a child.

Scorpion: My car is named Stephanie.

GL:              Really?

Scorpion: Yeah, my next car will be named Luisa. My first one was Sylvia

AA:               Are these, like, girlfriends or something?

Scorpion: Yeah.

JS:               So, your next girlfriend is going to be named Luisa?

Scorpion: No. It already... We already...

GL:               Wait... you name your cars after ex-girlfriends?

Scorpion: Yes.

Scorpion: GL, would you save JS if he fell on the tracks?

GL:             Of course! Wouldn't you?

Scorpion: Well... I'd have to think for a moment.

JS:              What?!? There are times when you don't think you just act.

GL:              You mean to say that you'd actually sit there weighing the pros and cons while a train was coming and JS was on the tracks?

Scorpion: Well... Yeah.

Scorpion: GL, do you know who invented the telephone?

GL:                Alexander Graham Bell?

Scorpion: Nope. That's wrong.

GL:               OK. Then who was it?

Scorpion: Some dude. Congress passed a law.

JS:             They're a hip hop band and they're three guys from Princeton.

Scorpion: [Makes sound as though he's just been punched in the stomach]. That's not good. They don't have street creds from Princeton. They don't know hip hop. Hip hop isn't about thinking. It's about feeling... vibrations. You can't be using your mudulla... uh... medullula in hip hop.

GL:            I wonder if we have something like that. You know, a weapon that can shoot down satellites.

Scorpion: Yeah, we got one of those. If we have the missile defense shield, we got one of those too.

GL:          But the Missile Defense Shield doesn't work. It failed all of those tests.

Scorpion: It will work when it needs to work.

GL:            What do you mean? It might fail all the tests, but it will just "work" when it needs to?

Scorpion: Yeah.

GL:            How is that going to work?

Scorpion: Divine Providence.