Monday, November 27, 2006
Autographs at Disney World
I got photos with every Disney character. It took me three years to accumulate. I had to cut in line in front of some kids.
Pinocchio got friendly with me. I didn't realize it was a girl until I saw her legs. It caused a bit of an incident.
Pinocchio got friendly with me. I didn't realize it was a girl until I saw her legs. It caused a bit of an incident.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Tattooing Animals
I want to open a store that tattoos animals. ...fish would be tough. I'll also do animal piercing and taxidermy.
The Value of Kids
[After discussing Kevin Federline purportedly using a sex tape -- for which he was offered $50M -- to gain custody of his kids...]
If you had a choice between $50M and a kid, you should take the $50M. You can buy a lot of kids for $50M. ...kids are a dime a dozen. You can even buy an orphanage - that's a lot of kids!
If you had a choice between $50M and a kid, you should take the $50M. You can buy a lot of kids for $50M. ...kids are a dime a dozen. You can even buy an orphanage - that's a lot of kids!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
On Ascots...
They itch.... and you have to tuck them in your shirt.
On Overweight Executives...
But you shouldn't look like that. It's not healthy. His guts were hanging out all over his pants.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
On Diversity in Virginia
S: "Virginia has more diversity... We have the MS-13."
JS: "How is that a good thing?!"
S: "You learn a lot from diversity."
JS: "How is that a good thing?!"
S: "You learn a lot from diversity."
On Spotting Marines
S: "Yeah, you can tell he's a Marine."
JS: "How do you know that?"
S: "By his shoes - yeah. They polish them by wrapping the shoe when shining him. He has that."
JS: "I bet you a dollar he's not a Marine."
S: "Hmm... maybe he's Army. He doesn't blink a lot like the Marines do. They blink a lot because of sleep deprivation."
JS: "I bet you a dollar he wasn't in the Army, either."
S: "Mmm... I dunno."
JS: "How do you know that?"
S: "By his shoes - yeah. They polish them by wrapping the shoe when shining him. He has that."
JS: "I bet you a dollar he's not a Marine."
S: "Hmm... maybe he's Army. He doesn't blink a lot like the Marines do. They blink a lot because of sleep deprivation."
JS: "I bet you a dollar he wasn't in the Army, either."
S: "Mmm... I dunno."
Thursday, November 02, 2006
On Befriending the Limbless
JS: So, if I lost a limb, not only would you not be friends with me, you'd avoid me as well?
Scorpion: It would be uncomfortable for a couple of days... maybe months... maybe a couple of years.
Scorpion: It would be uncomfortable for a couple of days... maybe months... maybe a couple of years.
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