Friday, December 29, 2006
On His Family's Breeding
They're, like, everywhere. They breed like rabbits. I'm, like, "Gee whiz. What are you doing?"
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
USAirways Flight Attendants
All the USAirways flight attendants are ugly. They're like my elementary school teachers. I thought they had standards - like flight attendant standards. Apparently they don't.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
CompUSA
CF: What kind of stuff do you buy from compusa?
Scorpion: Computer stuff
Scorpion: Computer stuff
Friday, December 15, 2006
Food as Exercise
Eating pork rinds with vinegar makes you sweat. It's like exercise, yeah.
On Bruce Springsteen...
Scorpion: Let's beat him up.
GL: What?
Scorpion: Let's beat him up.
GL: What?
Scorpion: Let's beat him up.
GL: OK.
GL: What?
Scorpion: Let's beat him up.
GL: What?
Scorpion: Let's beat him up.
GL: OK.
On Camping Food...
(the Scorpion went camping last week...)
JI: What did you eat out there?
Scorpion: Whatever I had.
JI: What did you eat out there?
Scorpion: Whatever I had.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
On the Russian Criminal Justice System (or lack thereof)...
I like the Russian system. It's much cleaner. The government has a problem with someone, they just poison them.
There's no Criminal Justice System, really. You don't have the 6 months of trial. Just, like, 2 days. There's no appeals. It's just much cleaner.
There's no Criminal Justice System, really. You don't have the 6 months of trial. Just, like, 2 days. There's no appeals. It's just much cleaner.
On the French...
JS: Scorpion, what do you think of the French?
Scorpion: They're kind of sissy, right? They smoke too much; they're skinny looking; they have little mustaches; and they're kinda smelly because they don't bathe. But I never met one.
Scorpion: They're kind of sissy, right? They smoke too much; they're skinny looking; they have little mustaches; and they're kinda smelly because they don't bathe. But I never met one.
Hangover Reaction
I was hurting the next day. I woke up and was all like, "Oh, I'm hurting so much."
On Factories
Scorpion: "Maybe we should open a factory."
JS: "What kind of factory?"
Scorpion: "I don't know."
JS: "What kind of factory?"
Scorpion: "I don't know."
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
On Wal Mart and TMX Elmo...
In reference to this news item reporting that Wal Mart announced it will sell 4,000 TMX Elmo dolls every day this week on its Web site.
Scorpion:... But they're selling them at regular price! If I were them, I would sell them for eighty dollars. They horde them, the Wal-Mart.
AA: Why are you so interest in Tickle-Me Elmo's?
S: There's for little kids. It wiggles. It jiggles. Apparently, there's a Spanish version. There's an English version, there's a Spanish version.
GL: What does the Spanish one say?
S: Same as in English, but in Spanish.
Scorpion:... But they're selling them at regular price! If I were them, I would sell them for eighty dollars. They horde them, the Wal-Mart.
AA: Why are you so interest in Tickle-Me Elmo's?
S: There's for little kids. It wiggles. It jiggles. Apparently, there's a Spanish version. There's an English version, there's a Spanish version.
GL: What does the Spanish one say?
S: Same as in English, but in Spanish.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
On Tents...
(The Scorpion is going camping this weekend for his birthday)
BD: "So do you have a tent?"
Scorpion: "No."
BD: "What are you sleeping in?"
Scorpion: "I have this little thing that I sleep in."
BD: "A tent?"
Scorpion: "Yeah, it's a tent."
BD: "So do you have a tent?"
Scorpion: "No."
BD: "What are you sleeping in?"
Scorpion: "I have this little thing that I sleep in."
BD: "A tent?"
Scorpion: "Yeah, it's a tent."
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Gas Masks...
I don't have a gas mask. I don't trust them.
On Camping...
It's not camping. It's just me in the woods with gear.
Monday, December 04, 2006
On Paying a Visit to Jack In The Box...
You only live once.
On What's Brown and Sticky...
Question: What's brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick
Scorpion: I don't get it.
Answer: A stick
Scorpion: I don't get it.
On Grease (during a hangover)...
I need grease. I need some grease in me.
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