The Scorpion on Life

I don't like shoes that you don't have to tie the laces. I like tying things.

I don't remember my childhood. It's just a blank. I remember little things, like jumping off the ledge. We had this big black trash bag and I thought I could parachute. I hurt myself pretty bad.
I got hit by a bicycle once. Little kid. That was bad.
I remember the drowning incident. Multiple incidents. Because we lived near the beach.
I remember chasing the crabs. Because they hide in the sand. What do you call them? Yeah, sand crabs.
When I was in the countryside in the summer I remember people always trying to rob stuff.
My uncle had a pig farm. I went there once. Interesting process. Oh and they produced their own methane, that was interesting. Pigs do their business and they pump it into a big old tank. I wonder if schools could have a tour of the Oscar Myer plant or something. It would be a learning experience.

There's a really good book about Penicillin... I think I read it.

Scorpion: I don't really like [Superman]. He's a flawed character.
GL:            How is he flawed?
Scorpion: He's always battling his inner demons. He can't be himself. Why can't he just be superman? I can understand batman. If he didn't have a secret identity he would get killed, but Superman? He's Superman.
JS:            But he needs to have a private life.
Scorpion: But do you know how much game Superman would have? He's Superman! And why would you choose a tights as your outfit? If I was a superhero I would have body armor and stuff.
DS:            Maybe he likes his outfit.
Scorpion: It says a lot about their outfit what people choose.
JS:            There's some controversy about his new outfit.
DS:            What's wrong with it?
Scorpion: Have you seen...? But... It's... It's not right. His outfit. It's kind of metrosexual. I think he's just the wrong person to play Superman. Hrm... who would make a good Superman? Wolverine would make a good Superman!

They showed Baseball by Ken Burns. I fall asleep. That's a good movie to fall asleep to.

DS:         What did you used to do in your free time?
Scorpion: I used to build model airplanes.
DS:         Why'd you stop?
Scorpion: I dunno. I got bored. I started using superglue and duct tape.

Scorpion: Are you going to quit, DS?
DS:          Yep.
Scorpion: Can I have your monitor when you leave?

Scorpion: I never liked safety monitors when I was in school.
DS:           Why not?
Scorpion: I dunno.
DS:           Were you one?
Scorpion: Yeah. In, like, 5th grade.

We should build a prison in Antarctica. You wouldn't even have to fence it.

I know [being gay] isn't a choice because when I get wasted, I chase girls. You can ask [JS]; when we were in New York I was running around chasing girls all over the place.

This is a completely different topic, but is pornography bad for society? I'm thinking of Japan here. Japan is up the ying-yang of pornography. Is that bad?

I'll go to jazz festival [in New Orleans]. I'll skip the jazz and just see the damage. I want to see the damage.

The only way to stop gyms from having windows on the street is to put fat people in them. They'll have to shut them down after that.

[Referring to assembling a chair]
Yeah, I didn't screw in the legs; I just duct taped them. You can duct tape anything!