Sunday, April 30, 2006
On Lazy Americans...
[After seeing groups of people getting back from playing softball at 8:30p on a Wednesday]
Scorpion: "These people need to work more."
Scorpion: "These people need to work more."
On Politics and Fashion...
All politicians should wear sashes. That's my new idea.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Indoor Surfing
Scorpion: "They have an indoor place where you can learn how to surf, ya know."
JS: "Where's it at?"
Scorpion: "I dunno."
GL: "Who's 'they'?"
Scorpion: "I don't really know."
JS: "Where's it at?"
Scorpion: "I dunno."
GL: "Who's 'they'?"
Scorpion: "I don't really know."
Another Reason to Build the Great Wall
JS: "Mexico is decriminalizing pot, cocaine, and heroin."
Scorpion: "That's one more reason to build the wall."
Scorpion: "That's one more reason to build the wall."
On Procrastination...
I still haven't rolled over my 401k. I have the forms and I say, "I'll do it the next day." Then the "next day" becomes the day after that and then the "next day" becomes the end of the month.
It's OK, though. I'll finish it up tomorrow.
It's OK, though. I'll finish it up tomorrow.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Another Hot Spot for Meeting Women
I like picking up the girls at the library, because they don't expect it. I'll say to them, "Nice book. Have you tried this one?" Yeah.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
On Mall Girls...
The problem with girls who work at the mall is that they smell like the mall. They get home and you're like, "you smell like the mall!"
Responding to the anonymous question: "Who's Your Idol?"...
"I don't idolize nobody because I'm my own man. I'm unique. If you're a girl, I'd like your picture so that you can be a Scorpionette."
-Ask your own quesion via email at thescorpionblog@gmail.com or by commenting below.
-Ask your own quesion via email at thescorpionblog@gmail.com or by commenting below.
Being Egoless
"I'm kind of egoless. I'm working on it."
On whether or not the only way to lose weight is through a negative caloric intake...
Why don't you just get liposuction? It's a very common procedure these days.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Become a Scorpionette!
Team Scorpion is in search of the June "Scorpionette of the Month." The Scorpion has a lot of admirers, but he doesn't care about any that are dudes. So all women who want to be a Scorpionette should submit a photo.
What The Scorpion Cares About
There's three things I care about: My family and friends, my job, and some other stuff.
Dumping Bodies
"Nobody ever dumps bodies in the Potomac. I'm thinking of New York. People dump bodies in the Hudson all the time."
Ask the Scorpion!!
Please post any questions you have for The Scorpion, and he'll quickly respond here on the blog. No topic is off limits.
On Canada...
"... and the weird thing is that they're all going to be rich soon. They've got a lot of oil in the oil sands... They'll be better than Saudia Arabia because they can actually do things, and they smoke a lot of marijuana."
Saturday, April 22, 2006
On Tractors...
I've never driven a tractor before.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
On Shoe Shining...
When you want a shine, you just get some Kiwi, some cotton balls and rub in a circular fashion.
On Saudi Arabia...
While reading this article in the LA Times.
Scorpion: Hrm.. there are a million Filipinos in Saudi Arabia. They're the backbone of the society there. What if they just killed everybody, what could they do?
Looking at the CIA World Factbook entry on Saudi Arabia
Scorpion: Only 70% of Saudi Arabian women can read?
GL: It's a totally different culture over there. They're not "supposed" to read.
Scorpion: Well, how are we supposed to Democratize them then? I mean, they're not going to like it if they've been doing this for years or decades.
Scorpion: Hrm.. there are a million Filipinos in Saudi Arabia. They're the backbone of the society there. What if they just killed everybody, what could they do?
Looking at the CIA World Factbook entry on Saudi Arabia
Scorpion: Only 70% of Saudi Arabian women can read?
GL: It's a totally different culture over there. They're not "supposed" to read.
Scorpion: Well, how are we supposed to Democratize them then? I mean, they're not going to like it if they've been doing this for years or decades.
Soccer
That's a sissy sport. It doesn't have my attention span. Like, they just kick the ball.
Christmas Gifts
Now I just get gift cards for Christmas. My parents are, like, "Here are gift cards, [Scorpion]. Go buy your own gifts."
Hispanic Protesters
Regarding legal and illegal Hispanic immigrants losing their jobs and being punished for participating in the wave of national protests during the last month:
Scorpion: "It's a consequence of their actions."
Scorpion: "It's a consequence of their actions."
How to Meet Hot Women
You only need one, because they travel in groups. Soon you'll have 2, 3, or 4.
Another way to meet women
Since girls like gay guys, you could pretend to be a hairdresser.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Canadian National Anthem
I don't like their national anthem. It's kinda sissy. It doesn't reflect who they are. Canada -- that's all you have to say. They leave their doors open, like in Bowling for Columbine. If you do that in North Carolina, you get shot.
Female Amputees
[On women losing limbs in Iraq]
That's just not right, though. Like, you see a 6'2" dude missing a limb, and that's expected. But you see a decent looking chick without an arm, and that's not right. It doesn't sit well. It's not right.
That's just not right, though. Like, you see a 6'2" dude missing a limb, and that's expected. But you see a decent looking chick without an arm, and that's not right. It doesn't sit well. It's not right.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
On Hanging Out with Friends From Colombia...
They're Colombian. We'll probably have barbeque... you know pretty standard stuff. The only problem with hanging out with them is that you can't make Colombian jokes.
Friday, April 14, 2006
On the Opera....
Scorpion: I dont' think I'll ever go to the Opera.... maybe some day... if I have to.
GL: Like for a girl?
Scorpion: No. Maybe for like a business reason or something.
DS: You wouldn't go with a girl, but you go for a business reason?
Scorpion: No. We'd do something else.
DS: Even if you really loved this girl?
Scorpion: The problem is love is a chemical reaction and all chemical reactions can be controlled.
GL: Like for a girl?
Scorpion: No. Maybe for like a business reason or something.
DS: You wouldn't go with a girl, but you go for a business reason?
Scorpion: No. We'd do something else.
DS: Even if you really loved this girl?
Scorpion: The problem is love is a chemical reaction and all chemical reactions can be controlled.
Diplomacy with Iran
Scorpion: What could we give Iran that would make them happy?
GL: Getting rid of Israel would make them happy.
Scorpion: Mmm... ehn... That's not really such a good idea.
GL: Getting rid of Israel would make them happy.
Scorpion: Mmm... ehn... That's not really such a good idea.
Spiraling back from Slutitude
JS: "Can you get back from being a slut?"
Scorpion: "Only if you go to a convent or a nunnery and do some volunteering."
JS: "But can you get back?"
Scorpion: "I think so. Two years in a nunnery or convenant and voluntary. It's like an addiction. There's a way of coming back, though."
JS: "What if a slut got married and stopped her slutty ways for a few years?"
Scorpion: "No -- you'll always be that way... Be cleansed of all that spiraling down. Those are the only two ways I can think of. People are alcoholic, and they run around. But they always have a drink or two. I'm big on redemption and character flaws."
Scorpion: "Only if you go to a convent or a nunnery and do some volunteering."
JS: "But can you get back?"
Scorpion: "I think so. Two years in a nunnery or convenant and voluntary. It's like an addiction. There's a way of coming back, though."
JS: "What if a slut got married and stopped her slutty ways for a few years?"
Scorpion: "No -- you'll always be that way... Be cleansed of all that spiraling down. Those are the only two ways I can think of. People are alcoholic, and they run around. But they always have a drink or two. I'm big on redemption and character flaws."
Thursday, April 13, 2006
On Life Goals
I'm too tired to talk about my life goals. Maybe another time...
Scorpion on Testing New Logos
Women and Horses
What's with girls liking horses so much? ... They could buy a monkey or something. Celebrities buy monkeys. ... I don't like anything I can't control. Like, I'd rather ride a motorcycle than a horse.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
On Pandora's Boxes
CF to JS: You know, I think by doing that you're going to open up a whole new can of worms.
Scorpion: I think you can actually buy them. Cans of worms. At bait shops.
Scorpion: I think you can actually buy them. Cans of worms. At bait shops.
On Optimism and Dismemberment
When you're having a bad day... you can always think, "at least I didn't lose an arm or a leg or die or anything today." Like, when I make a mistake, nobody is going to die.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Sorority Girls
"There was a phase in my life where I hit on all sorority girls. I would be the designated driver and take them home drunk at 3 in the morning... I got bored with them. They're all technically the same."
Agism
JS: "So you don't think agism exists, or you just don't care."
Scorpion: "Right now I don't care. I just need some sleep."
Scorpion: "Right now I don't care. I just need some sleep."
Trust
"I don't trust people."
On Brit-Pop...
Scorpion: What are you guys talking about? France or something?
GL: No. Franz Ferdinand. They're a band.
Scorpion: What kind of music do they play?
GL: Sort of Indie/Brit-Pop
Scorpion: Oh, sissy music.
GL: No. Franz Ferdinand. They're a band.
Scorpion: What kind of music do they play?
GL: Sort of Indie/Brit-Pop
Scorpion: Oh, sissy music.
Monday, April 10, 2006
The Scorpion and NASCAR
"I'm not really into racing -- I just watch for the car wrecks. They have some pretty nice wrecks."
Sunday, April 09, 2006
If The Scorpion were a Health Inspector
"I'd be thorough, and I'd shut down multiple places."
Public Displays of Homosexual Affection
[Two men are holding hands.]
Scorpion: "Maybe they're European... They kiss on the cheek, you know."
Scorpion: "Maybe they're European... They kiss on the cheek, you know."
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Profiting from Childhood Obesity
"You know what, if you want to make lots of money, we should start a fat camp. We would buy cheap land in the hills of Virginia. Everyone would have to compete for food, and we just serve them gruel. It's very cheap. We should find investors."
Friday, April 07, 2006
On Protesting
"No, it doesn't work."
"Like, what did the Million Man March accomplish? Nothing."
"They wear their little protester clothes... like hippies."
"Like, what did the Million Man March accomplish? Nothing."
"They wear their little protester clothes... like hippies."
Thursday, April 06, 2006
On Helping Others...
You know what we should start? A confidence bootcamp for nerds.
Solving the Illegal Immigrant Problem
A giant wall - like the Great Wall of China -- should be built along the US-Mexico border. The wall will be so big that you can see it from space, and you can also make it a tourist attraction.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Cheerleaders for Women's Basketball
JS: "Should women's basketball have female cheerleaders?"
Scorpion: "Yes."
Scorpion: "Yes."
Peace in the Middle East
"We should just let them wipe each other out... Then we could go in and get all the oil."
Thoughts about GL....
CF to GL...."Your girlfriend has your Netflix password?"
GL to CF...."Yeah"
Scorpion to GL..."You're so domesticated!"
GL to CF...."Yeah"
Scorpion to GL..."You're so domesticated!"
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
On Picking Up Women...
In order to effectively pick up women, a guy should treat them like they're "a dime a dozen." Until the Scorpion began employing this technique, he did not have much success. Now, however, he's The Scorpion.
Mandatory Yoga for Indian Army
The Wild West
"You know the problem with the Wild West? People were drunk all the time because the water was so polluted."
The Homeless
"What does the city do with all of them?"
Welcome!
This blog is unique among all blogs. Unlike your traditional autobiographical blog, The Scorpion on Life offers the insights of one man, The Scorpion, as told by the people around him. The Scorpion is no ordinary man. No, he is a visionary with a story that must be told, and this site does just that. So sit back and be prepared to have all of your world views questioned by a man not afraid to tell it like it is. Enjoy!
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